Bedtime Routine

This happens every night when we get Cooper situated for bed.   We get his PJ's on and make sure he went to the bathroom. Craig does his thing then I do mine.   I give Cooper a kiss, usually on his forehead or cheek.  He's normally sitting on the floor, playing with the Warner Bros. Pictures "WB" Logo.  He loves that logo.  He carries it around with him almost all of the time

So there he is, sitting on the floor eye stimming and humming the Warner Brothers Pictures theme song to himself.  I tell him it's time for bed and he tells me he wants to do it one more time.

I tell him, "I love you."
"See you in the morning," he says, looking at the logo.
"I love you," I say again.
"See you in the morning," he says, looking at the logo.
I'm thinking third times a charm...
"I love you, Cooper."
He quickly glanced up at me.
"I love you too, Mommy."

I don't get that every night.  But man... when I do...   my heart is happy.   <3

Quick, WIW a day late :)

2009- 173
Last week- 171
this week- 167.5

3.5 lbs is good!  Some water weight in that loss I'm sure, but it'all good.  :)

My mantra is to be conscious about my eating and remind myself to make good choices.  Nothing crazy going on here.  I'm trying to change my life, not start another fad diet.

Baby, I'm back

Hi, hello....

My name is Mandy and I have issues with food.  Well, I have other issues that I take out on food.  It's a dirty cycle.  I got lost and I lost hope.  I had a shitty month, but baby, I'm back.

I'm back carrying the weight I lost.  It sucks, but I'm ok with it.  It was a learning experience.  I should have learned from it the other times I have yo-yo'd this weight around, but yah... I learned from it.  My pants learned from it.  So have the buttons on my shirt.

I'll officially weight in next week, with the weight I've lost this week.  That will give me something positive to build upon.

Bob Harper of The Biggest Loser fame said it best, "Stand up and finish what you started!"

It's life or something like it

http://lovethatmax.blogspot.com/2010/05/top-20-reasons-moms-of-kids-with.html

What I'm about to share is from the blog above.  It brought tears to my eyes because it's true.  Every word.

Top 20 Reasons Moms of Kids With Special Needs ROCK

1. Because we never thought that “doing it all” would mean doing this much. But we do it all, and then some.
2. Because we’ve discovered patience we never knew we had.
3. Because we are willing to do something 10 times, 100 times, 1,000 times if that’s what it takes for our kids to learn something new.
4. Because we have heard doctors tell us the worst, and we've refused to believe them. TAKE THAT, nay-saying doctors of the world.
5. Because we have bad days and breakdowns and bawl-fests, and then we pick ourselves up and keep right on going.
6. Because we gracefully handle the stares, the comments, the rude remarks. Well, mostly gracefully.
7. Because we manage to get ourselves together and get out the door looking pretty damn good. Heck, we even make sweatpants look good.
8. Because we are strong. Man, are we strong. Who knew we could be this strong?
9. Because we aren’t just moms, wives, cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, women who work. We are moms, wives, cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, women who work, physical therapists, speech therapists, occupational therapists, teachers, researchers, nurses, coaches, and cheerleaders. Whew.
10. Because we work overtime every single day.
11. Because we also worry overtime, but we work it through. Or we eat chocolate or Pirate's Booty or gourmet cheese, which aren't reimbursable by insurance as mental-health necessities but should be.
12. Because we are more selfless than other moms. Our kids need us more.
13. Because we give our kids with special needs endless love, and then we still have so much love left for our other kids, our husbands, our family. And our hairstylist, of course.
14. Because we inspire one another in this crazy blogosphere every single day.
15. Because we understand our kids better than anyone else—even if they can’t talk, even if they can’t gesture, even if they can't look us in the eye. We know. We just know.
16. Because we never stop pushing for our kids.
17. Because we never stop hoping for them, either.
18. Because just when it seems like things are going OK, they're suddenly not OK, but we deal. Somehow, we always deal, even when it seems like our heads or hearts might explode.
19. Because when we look at our kids we just see great kids. Not "kids with cerebral palsy/autism/Down syndrome/developmental delays/whatever label."
20. Because, well, you tell me.

WIW

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  4/14 = 163.5
last week =  0

Total loss = 9.5 lbs


I think I would have lost if only I had stayed away from anything edible the last 3 days.


I'm literally keeled over in pain.  I think my uterus is trying to escape.  I do not like it one bit.


I've always tracked my cycles, especially since I was infertile for so long.  It's amazing to me how it screws up a whole week and a half to two weeks out of a month.  I told the hubby tonight that I would probably be at my goal weight if I didn't have to contend with these damn hormones.  It messes with my head.

I joked on my twitter, 

  

"Thinking about donating my ovaries and uterus, cause damn. Besides their lousy job at hormone regulation, I have no need for them anymore."  

OK, I think the pain meds are finally starting to kick in... no longer feeling like my woman parts are going to take off.  Besides the hormonal, lack of self control stuff that is going on, I think it also makes me way sleepier than my normal sleepiness.  Which, doesn't leave me with much hope.  

But I'm trying.  I'm trying to learn to override these hormones which cause me to go in this personal downward spiral.  I'm smart enough, I know what's going on.  Sometimes that is the most frustrating part.  I know what I need to do.... I just.... I just....  ugh.

...and now I will go to bed, because this all makes my brain hurt.  

WIW

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  4/7 = 163.5
last week =  -1.5

Total loss = 9.5 lbs


I feel really good about last week.  I took my measurements and have lost a total of 9 inches since January!  I'm so proud if that.  It goes to show that all my hard work is paying off.


Tonight we watched "Adam" with the Autism Society of McLean County.   It was a good movie!  I'd definitely recommend it.


My mood has been pretty good recently.  I'm enjoying the warmer weather.  My ankle pain is pretty much gone, but still feels a little off during certain exercises so I'm not quite ready to jump back into running.  Soon though...  soon.


I'm super tired... I'd post more randomness, but I need to go to bed.  So with that...

Goodnight!

WIW

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  3/31 = 165
last week = + .5

Total loss = 8 lbs


The last 2 weeks have been rough.  My ankle injury really put a damper in my routine and then I started to eat bad and so on and so forth.  Then, we did an autism study in Madison, WI and I don't eat well when I'm not at home.  I don't do well with food temptations.


So, it took 2 weeks, but I'm back on track.  My head is on straight and I have my eye on the prize.  I started P90X again and I'm following a diet.  I'm going to do my best and forget the rest.  That is what matters right?

Today is a good day

My friend Lua gave me some Yerba Mate tea to try.  Jillian Michaels is a big fan.  She says it contains clean caffeine (even better than coffee) which is good for an extra metabolism boost.

I've had about 2 cups today and so far, I'm a big fan too.  I'm usually reaching for a Diet Pepsi or 3, but I've stopped buying it.  I drink it when out, but I won't buy it for home anymore.  This tea has me so much more alert than Diet Pepsi ever did and it's not filled with a bunch of miscellaneous ingredients.

I'm off to go get some things done.  Yay for not feeling like a zombie!

WIW

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  3/17 = 164.5
lost last week = maintained

Total loss = 8.5 lbs. gone forever


Last week was bleh.  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.  blah blah blah.


So I've seen my new therapist lady 2 times now.  Still trying to hash out my story... why I am the way that I am.   I like her a lot.  She and I have similar personalities.  


It's interesting because she does "talk therapy" and she does something called "biofeedback."  We'll get the the biofeedback part one day when I go in and I have nothing to talk about.  heh.  Google biofeedback though... cool stuff.  I have a friend who went to her and the biofeedback really helped him work through some anxiety he was having.  Yay for effective treatments.  


I think what I've learned so far about myself is that I have a very low self esteem.  I never thought of it like that, but after reading more about self esteem... yah, my self esteem is pretty shitty and it's been that way for a long time.  We're starting out small and going to build it up, slowly and surely.  


I have this quote as my laptop wallpaper background, "Beware- The world is more fierce, mysterious and beautiful than you imagine....  and so are you."  

WIW (Weigh in Wednesday)

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  3/10 = 164.5
lost last week = -1.5

Total loss = 8.5 lbs. gone forever


Yay for reaching my weekly goal.  I aim to lose 1.5 a week.  I know some weeks it'll happen and some weeks it won't.    Muscle weighs more than fat and I need to keep reminding myself that, especially on the weeks that I don't quite reach my goal.

"Well, I didn't."

Maddy and I almost got hit by a car yesterday.  We just got out of our car and was walking towards the grocery store (looked both ways, no cars, decided to cross the street/isle of parking spaces) when this younger guy, speeds into the parking lot and turns into the isle we are crossing without slowing down.  I looked right at him and saw his face as he swerved.  He looked shocked, as if there aren't people in parking lots.  Thank GOD he didn't hit us.  I thought we were gone.  This older guy was walking about 10-15 feet in front of us saw the whole thing and also thought we were going to be hit. The younger guy was going so fast, he was able to park his car and ended up walking next to us into the store.  The older guy said some choice words and basically said, "You almost hit this woman and child!"  He was pissed.  I had tears in my eyes I was so shaken.  The younger guy looks right at me, cocks his head and said, "Well, I didn't." and walked away.

I thanked the older guy for speaking up.  It meant a lot to me.  I patted/rubbed his back as he walked away.

I keep replaying this whole incident over and over.  What if this, what if that.  I'm so thankful.... so so thankful.

I didn't feel like doing anything last night.  I just wanted to lay on the couch.  Almost getting hit by a car really put a funk in my mood... imagine that.  After much debating, I decided to get up and do my day 2 of the Couch to 5 k (C25K) program.  I'm so glad I did.  I was able to clear my mind and get some fresh air.  It was just what I needed.

Running is going great.  I love my Vibram sprint shoes.  I can honestly say that I am enjoying running.  I'm always looking forward to my next run.  :)

Tomorrow is Wednesday and I'm looking forward to weighing in.

Weigh in Wednesday

Sometimes old habits are good habits.  I'm going to start Weigh in Wednesdays again because there is something about posting my weight that keeps it real and keeps me motivated.  Letting you follow my progress only motivates me, especially if you tell me I rock.  :)

So back in December is when I decided it was time to change.  I was up to 173.  I think it's the heaviest I have been without having a bouncing 7.5 or 8.5 lb baby to blame the weight on.  My heaviest was after having Cooper.  I had a terrible pregnancy which left me at 218 lbs.  Bleh.  Moving forward....

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  3/3 = 166

Total loss = 7 lbs. gone forever

February was a rough month for me.  I actually gained 3.5 lbs during that time period, but I'm moving forward.  I have my head back on straight.  My diet is wonderful and I'm going to start running, in addition to doing my P90X workouts.  P90X was going great but it's been 2 weeks since I have done a workout with it.  Craig left for a week, all hell broke loose and I caught a cold.  I'm picking right back up where I left off though.

I'm not in any hurry to lose the weight, just as long as it's coming off.  My goal date though is my 30th birthday,  January 9, 2011.  It just gives me something to look forward to.  My motto is, "Slow and steady wins the race."  I don't want to stress about it.  I've tried that in the past and it doesn't work.

My 1st reward is to get highlights and lowlights when I get down to 155.  155 is 11 lbs away and a weight that I consider to be the top of where I feel comfortable.  It's been a good 9 months since I had my hair done (not just cut).  Then my next goal is 150, then 147, then 3 lbs at a time after that.  The smallest I have been in my adult life was 147 in 2006.   It's really hard for me to imagine what I will look like when I get fit.  We'll see what happens.  :)

So, stay tuned.  More good things to come.  :)

My Goals

Back in December I set a goal for myself.  That goal is to be the healthiest I've ever been by the time I am 30.  That leaves me about 10 months to do this and by golly, I'm going to do it!

It's not about being skinny.  If I wanted to just be skinny, then I'd go on some crazy diet and lose 30 lbs and still not be what I would call healthy.  For me it's about accomplishing bigger goals and those bigger goals will help me shed pounds and keep them off for good.

It's time to put myself first and accomplish some things I want to do.  I need to regain my self worth and self respect.  I need some healthy, good self esteem.  I want to look in the mirror and think, "MILF!"  ... cause really, that's what all moms want to be.  ;)  

One goal is to be a runner.  I have thought about this for a good 2 years and it's time to stop thinking and start doing.  I'm planning some 5k's for this year.  :)

Another goal is to talk to a therapist to figure out my issues.  Everyone has issues.  I'm tired of my issues and how they play a negative role in my life.   I'm ready to figure them out and move on.  I go for my 1st appointment on Thursday.  I'm quite excited!

Doing these things, no doubt in my mind, I'll be where I want to be... where I need to be.  2010 is going to be amazing.  

Randoms

I hate our dated vertical blinds that cover our patio door.  vomit.  Craig and I cannot agree on what to get to replace them with.... so there they are... still.

My skin is driving my crazy.  I'm breaking out like a teenager.  If I use acne medicine it dries my skin out too much and I start to peel.  If I use moisturizer I look like I washed my face in oil.  I just can't win!

ok, those are my 2 pressing issues tonight.  :P

Goodnight.

... and we regress

I'm feeling a bit helpless and I'm having a hard time talking about it.  I've been thinking more about blogging again, so here I am.

Cooper seems to be regressing.  I don't know why he is, but as a parent, I start to question my abilities.  His teacher called for a meeting... we'll be meeting next week.  I've had to carry him kicking and screaming too many times these past few weeks.  I hear... "NO MOM, WE DO NOT DO THAT, WE GO HOME TO THE WHITE HOUSE!"  I wrote yesterday that carrying a 47 lb kicking child is sometimes more of a mental task than a physical task.  So true, so true.

This morning... he was completely non-compliant.  We were a half an hour late to school this AM.  While I try to get him in his carseat... he kicks.  I cry.  I just can't handle it some days.  It's usually the days after days after days of this non-compliant behavior... I just break.  I break and feel helpless.

I cry on the way to school.  I get it together and try to get him in school.  Again, didn't go so well.  It took about 15 minutes to get him from the car to the building.  Once in the building, he sat in this chair and didn't move.  I held it together until one of his teachers asked about him and his behavior.  Then, gah.  2 teachers seen me cry...  They said they'd listen if I ever just need to talk.  They're not the ones I want to talk to... I like them, but I can't help but think they would judge me and my family.  No thank you.

It just sucks.

Now is as good of a time as ever...

I need to start blogging again, so here we go. This will be quick though, since I need to get to sleep.

Today was my hubby's 31st birthday! Happy Birthday Craig!

Today was just a crazy, sick kind of day. Kirby puked on the new couch. Thank you Kirby. Good thing we got that stain protection plan. I'm calling them tomorrow (I have 5 days of the stain occurring). Then, awhile later Pixie puked on the floor. You can imagine how excited I was. Then, Maddy fell asleep on the couch and peed all over it. I don't blame her, she's potty training... but geesh. Cut me a break here. Then, she had an accident at Easter Seals today and peed on their carpet. She's actually like 95% potty trained... it's just the poopy she doesn't want to do on the potty. She did good tonight with it though. Anyways, so 2 pukes and 2 pees. Woot. Then, getting the kids to bed Maddy starts coughing and then pukes a ton all over me, her blanky, her, and the floor. I must say, it was a perfect ending to this lovely, stinky day.

Nice blog to start off again with, eh? Might as well start of with a bang!

It's been awhile

Hey! I've been meaning to update this. It seems that I have less time now with a toddler and a preschooler than I did when they were babies. Imagine that!

Everyone here is doing well. Cooper is on spring break this week which is all fun and exciting, but exhausting and stressful for me. I think the change in his routine totally caused him to regress in using the potty, which is a PITA. He wets his pants like 5 or more times a day since Monday. I'm hoping this phase corrects itself as soon as school starts back up on Monday. I don't have enough energy for all this laundry!

His thing right now is playing Carnival Games on the Wii and Wii fit. He loves to do Yoga. :) In fact, we were waiting in the lobby of Easter Seals for his therapist to come out to get him and he is for real standing in the middle of the busy lobby doing the Tree pose.

Silly boy! I LOLed and thought to myself, "OMG, he's doing the tree pose in the middle of this busy lobby."

My mom fell back in January and broke her hip. She had hip replacement surgery on one side of her hip and she is doing really well. In fact, she gets around most of the time taking small steps without any crutch or cane. She is still limited by what she can do. She does good on stairs, but has to take it slow and can't carry much weight since it distributes her weight differently. She has to use a can do walk in the yard and things that require more stability, since the cane provides that. I'm really proud of her and how far she has come. She is healing much quicker than I ever expected, which means she is stronger than I ever knew. :) So here I am going to segway between my mom's cane and Wii Carnival Games. Heh. So my mom's cane looks like this.,,

...and here is the cover to Carnival Games...



As you can see, the Carnie is holding a cane! Cooper just loves the fact his Grandma has a cane. LOL! Every time Cooper greets his Grandma, he takes her cane and proceeds to say, "Hurry Hurry Hurry, step right up for the thrills and excitement of Carnival Games!!!" He even does the motion of moving the cane up and down like he's talking to the crowd. hehe.... love it.

Cooper is loving school and is thriving there. I can't wait until he can go full time. It won't be until he starts Kindergarten though, which will be school year 2o10-2011. So... August 2010 he'll be 5 and hopefully test into kindergarten just fine. Right now our schedule looks like this:

Monday- School 8-12 and Speech Therapy 1-2
Tuesday- School 8-12, ABA 1-2 and Occupational Therapy 4-5
Wednesday- School 8-12 and then kids go to Gma's since I work about 6 hours this day
Thursday- School 8-12, ABA 1-2, Feeding Therapy 3-4, Chiropractor 4:30
Friday- School 8-12 and then Craig is off in the afternoon so I can work about 4 hours

Woot!

Maddy is doing great. She will be 2 (!!!) in less than a month. I just can't believe my baby girl is going to be 2. It's hard to describe the difference between Maddy and Cooper. It's just different. Of coarse I love them both the same. It's hard to believe the differences developmentally at her age of almost 2. Cooper had 4 words at age 2. That in itself is so hard to believe. Maddy and Cooper are about the same level as far as speech is concerned. Maddy is a bit advanced in that aspect because she is in a hyper verbal environment. I still have to do a double take when she says something new because it's like, "Really, Did she just say that or am I hearing things?" I'm sure in no time she will be passing Cooper up, but I think that in itself will push Cooper and help him advance.

I have more to post, but I need to get going. I've been working on this on and off for the better part of the morning and I need to get some things done. Thanks for reading!

Send To Phone

Send To Phone

Send To Phone

Starting up...

I need a new home for my old personal blog that I haven't blogged on since 2006. I used to blog on myspace, but I'm going back and forth about whether or not to delete myspace (facebook is the way to go). So now my blogging adventures will be held here, back on trusty blogger. I wonder if I can somehow import my old myspace blogs... wouldn't that be nice?