Hello Friday

Hi :) I'm just a few days late!  What a crazy week!

I didn't lose any weight last week, so I decided to do something else for a change... add up all the inches I've lost!  So, over the last few months, I've lost a total of 7 inches.  Wow! 

P90X is going great!  I'm almost done with my 3rd week... getting close to 30 days... 1/3 done!  Speaking of,  I'm now going to go do the Legs & Back and Ab Ripper X DVD. 

Woot!

WIW

Hello, Wednesday and my readers, whoever you are...

My hubby is gone on training this week.  I'm half way through this week and I think I'm going to make it.  heh.  Tomorrow I'm going to lunch with my autism mommy friends (Seriously, thank God for them because they GET it) and then tomorrow night is Autism Parent Support Group that has childcare.  Doubley good day planned tomorrow. 

So, back to WIW... I lost 3.5 lbs last week and I'm officially in the 150's again... 159.5 to be exact.  That brings me to a total of 13.5 lbs lost.  I'm super proud of myself.  :)  Now that I hit that milestone, it's baby steps from here on out.  My 1st goal is 155, which is what I consider the max of my comfortable weight range.... if that makes sense.  When I'm really dedicated to eating well and exercising I have been anywhere from 147-155.  150 is my goal and anything beyond that is bonus.  My doctor says I should be closer to 135-140, but honestly don't think that can happen.  I haven't ever consider that a true goal of mine, but it's always in the back of my mind. 

yay.  :)

WIW

This week hasn't been much better.  It was decent, but then today sucked and I gave up.  I ate and I ate a lot.  My cravings are out of control, due to my monthly friend coming around.  I can hardly stand it.  I just cracked today.  It has been a month of solid, 100% commitment, so I'm not really beating myself up.  In fact, as soon as I felt satisfied, I said I was done with what I was doing and put that whole episode behind me.  Moving on...

I started P90X again and I'm feeling it.  Ouch.  Since I've started I've gained some bloat, but maybe that's my monthly friend again.  Who knows.  I'm up a pound.  That's fine.  I'm not really caring too much about the number because I'm feeling good and I'm losing inches.  That's what really matters!

School Stress & WIW

I feel like a bloated mess.  Stress will do that to you.

In the last two weeks I've talked to 2 different teachers regarding Cooper's classroom behavior/expectations.  He's missing 1-3 hours of class time a day because of it.  He's not only disrupting his education, but the education of the other kids.  I get where the teacher is coming from.  I hope she gets where we are coming from... where Cooper is coming from.  He's not your typical kid.  He's in a mainstreamed class, with a classroom aide and an L.D teacher supporting all of them.  He needs a lot of support. 

I'm just frustrated because I feel like besides supporting the school's efforts at home on rules they abide by, I can't change Cooper's behavior.  I can encourage it, but It's not like I sit down with my child and have a two way conversation about walking quietly in the hallway and sitting in his chair properly.  I get him to do things at home or behave a certain way, but that doesn't always carry over.

Did I mention I was frustrated?

So, WIW... I did lose .5 lbs last week.  That's about what I expected.  Stress... bleh.  Down 11.5... woot woot.  I want to stress eat really bad.  Reeeeaaalllly bad.  Some days it takes everything I have in me not to just eat a lot of junk.  It's mindless and easy.  I've changed though.  I'm conscious of it and I'm recognizing those feelings.  I'm processing that and chewing on gum instead.  That usually works. 

Alright... off to bed.  Goodnight!

WIW

I lost 2 lbs last week, so I'm officially down 11 lbs.  I like the sound of that, but you know what I like better?  Fitting into my skinny jeans.  :)

I feel like crap today though.  I had to cancel a play date with my bff and our daughters.  I have a bad headache and my stomach just isn't feeling right.  I just want to lay in bed.  ugh.

WIW

I did my very first 5k on Saturday!  It was pretty awesome.  I'm so proud of myself.  :)  I ran/walked the thing and had a lot of fun at the event.  Our local Autism Society raised $25,000 that day.  What an amazing day.

I lost 4 lbs last week... can I get a woot woot?  :)  I am loving the differences I am seeing in my body.  It hasn't effected my energy, but hoping the more I lose the more energy I'll gain.  I've lost a total of 9 lbs so far.  Yay!  Only 9 more to go until I'm at my comfortable weight.  I'd like to be 5 lbs lower than that, maybe even lower eventually, but my goal right now is 9-14 lbs.  I got this!  :)

WIW

Ok, So I've been thinking about WIW and this is what I'm going to do from this point out.  I'm only going to post when I lose weight.  If I gain or stayed the same, I'm not going to do a WIW.  I want to share my excitement in this journey.  So yah, that's the plan.  I think I'll focus some of these posts on leading a healthier life, in whatever form that may be.  That's my goal after all... to be healthy.

I did lose .5 lbs last week.  I'm down to 168, from 173.  My 5-htp has been working the last 2 nights, so I've slept decently well and my moods have been good during the day.  I started taking a multivitamin again too, which I have been totally slacking on for a long time now.  They make me nauseous, so I have to make sure to eat a big breakfast with them.  I'm going to buy a new brand in the next couple of days to see if I don't get sick on those.  I'm sure getting sick was the reason I stopped taking these in the 1st place.  Who wants wants to be sick every morning?  Not me!

Well, I need to start the bedtime routine with these kiddies.  L8r, sk8r.    

Ooommph

did you hear that... that was me... falling off the wagon.

On another note...

My sleep medicines ultimately failed.  Suck.  I was so hopeful.  The Ambien worked for awhile and then I would get sleepier and sleepier and my sleep would become lighter as well.  So then the doctor switched me to Lunesta and I slept worse on that even though the daytime sleepiness was a little better, it was still there.  It just wasn't working for me.  I decided on Thursday night to stop the medicines and I knew it wasn't going to be easy.  I've been on something to put me in a deeper sleep for months.

That night I couldn't fall asleep.  Took some melatonin.  Eventually went to sleep, but slept really crappy all night long.  In my insomnia, I was researching on the computer and came across 5-htp.  It helps your body produce serotonin and melatonin, which should make you calm and sleepy.  sounds good.  I bought a high dose with extended release. 

Last night it took about an hour and a half for me to fall asleep.  Once I was asleep I thought I slept soooo good for a long time, but damnit, it was only 2 hours.  *sigh*  Then, I was up ever 1.5-2 hours tossing.  I guess that is better than the previous night.

I read some stuff that it can take awhile for some herbal remedies to work.  It needs to build up in your body.  Again, I am hopeful.  I'm just tired of feeling exhausted.  Then, when I get feeling like that I don't feel like doing anything at all.  It sucks, big time.

I also busted my ankle yesterday.  I was closing my daughter's door and somehow got my ankle bone in the way.  I fell to the ground.  Damn, it hurts.  I probably bruised the bone, maybe even chipped it.  It's red and inflamed.  The autism 5k is next Saturday.  At this point, my goal is to walk it.  I'm a little bummed, but what matters is that I am going to do it... hopefully with minimal pain.

My post was all pretty crappy things.  So, on a more positive note, I had a fun week with my sister in-law visiting.  I also went out to dinner and drinks with a few friends tonight.  Cooper has been coming up with some great sentences lately that really make me stop in awe.  My daughter has been a rockstar with going to preschool and different child cares (the gym and autism society's during a meeting).  She is getting so big.  She used to cry and cry and now she'll wave and walk away.  I love it because it allows me to be more social and get some gym time in.  It allows her to be more social too.  Score.  :)

Going to go wind down... hopefully sleep soon.... 

WIT

Start 8/9 = 173
Today= 167.5

I lost another pound last week.  I honestly thought it wasn't going to happen and I kept slipping up on eating well.  All that weight lifting is doing my body good.

On a side note, I'm doing the local autism society's 5k next month, September 18th.  I haven't ran since the early summer.   I tend to hibernate in the heat of the summer because this redheaded white girl A) burns really badly and B) my Irish ancestry has doomed my daughter and I into sweaty messes during the heat.  Ah well, it's part of my appeal.  hah.
 
So I need to get out and run really bad, but I'm beat (and frankly don't have time or I am not childless) after doing an hour and 15 minutes of P90X every day except Sunday, my rest day.  So, I'll at least start running on Sundays, and work in some other times during the week.  Even if it has to be a short run, it's at least something.  <- I can't get the italic off of this paragraph... kinda annoying.  hrmph. 

WIW

Start 8/8: 173
Last week 8/11: 171
Today 8/18: 168.5

I lost another 2.5 last week  I've lost a good amount of weight in 2 weeks.  Good?  Who am I kidding, I'm freakin' proud of myself.

Even though I feel good about that, I feel like I'm hitting a wall, big time.  I've been so stressed out / anxiety ridden.  I've been in a sour mood.  Gah, I just can't get out of this funk this week.  I'm trying though...

WIW... I'm back :P

okokok.... so I said I wasn't doing WIW anymore.  Uhh.... I take it back.  ;)

There is something about it that helps keep my mind in it.  It's a nice challenge.  It gives me a clear reason to post on Wednesdays and then I can rant about whatever.  It's free therapy.

 Earlier this year I set a goal to lose weight for my 30th birthday.  I set a goal to be happy and healthy!  I was in limbo for a long time.  I'd be healthy...  I'd be happy... and sometimes they'd happen at the same time... and sometimes they wouldn't. 

My goal is to lose 1 pound a week for 21 weeks, which is totally doable.  That puts me at my goal weight by my birthday on January 9th.   Can I get a woot woot?  :)

I also started P90X up again.  I'm on day 3 and every muscle is sore!   I really enjoy this program. 

Start 7/8: 173
Current: 171
Total: -2!!

Yay! 

I'm working on another post about our trip to Las Vegas.  It was so much fun!  Maybe by the time I am done writing the thing I'll have a few photos to share too.

A Long Month

Better update this thing before It becomes 2 months of inactivity!

I don't think I shared the results from my sleep study.  I have something called cyclical arousal disorder.  Sounds pretty kinky, but it's unfortunately not.  heh.  Basically it means that my brain is active at night when it should be resting.  Most people have up to 5 spikes of brain activity outside of REM sleep, I had 29 spikes.  So, this is the reason why I wake up feeling like I am hungover.  This is the reason why I am tired all day long.  My brain parties all night and doesn't get much down time.  Everything else in the study was normal. 

So, my doctor put me on Ambien.  He said it sounds counter-productive, but putting me on the highest dose of sleeping meds will knock my brain out... and boy, it does.  It took about 2 weeks, but then I woke up feeling... awake.  Imagine that!  I still get sleepy, but nothing like I used to.  The doctor said that he suspects the sleepiness will go away the longer I am on the Ambien.  So, I take it every night like prescribed and so far, so good. 

Out of curiosity I halved the last 2 nights pills and damn... I forgot how much I used to toss and turn at night.  I've been super sleepy with no energy.  I'm so glad I decided to do the sleep study and finally figure out what was going on!

I think I am going to call it a night.  I'll update soon with the rest...

feel this, don't dismiss it

It's been 2 weeks since I met with Coach.  I basically expressed everything I was feeling in my last blog.  She said I need help, I need more time to myself and the only real caregiver I have for my kids not only undermines some of my parenting authority, but my autistic child is constantly asking for her, making me feel like crap. 

I lost it when I said, "Nobody wants to watch an autistic 5 year old."  Yah, it sucks.  I feel stuck when some days I just need a break.  Paying for a sitter isn't the right option either, as we are tight on money and unfortunately insurance doesn't pay for respite.  They should... they really should.  It's not just me that is hurting.

Coach brought to my attention that I dismiss any negative feelings I have and that I don't allow myself to truly feel those feelings.   I see what she means.  She said don't compare my situation with anyone else.  It's not about the other people, it's about me.  Other people's situation may be better or it may be worse, but I need to dismiss those types of thoughts.  Those types of thoughts are not validating.  She said that is what I was doing with those types of thoughts.  She said that I was having those thoughts because I thought that it helped define my circumstances, but they weren't allowing me to move forward and heal.  Those thoughts dismissed any sort of real feelings I had about the situation.  I see it now.  It's really not about them, it's about me.

I cried a lot in her office today.  She said she just wanted me to feel that and wallow for awhile.  She says I need to feel the pain, hurt, whatever it is to be able to heal and move forward.  I did.  I cried several times today.  Good thing I didn't have a lot going on. 

A long Summer

This summer isn't quite what I expected.

My hubby has been to several week long trainings to prepare him for this implementation that is happening now at work.  This has been happening in the last month or so.  It'll last until this fall.

What does this mean for me?  Hubby is gone.  A lot.  It's 9:30pm and he's still working.  I don't know when he'll be home.  He basically goes in to work at 5 or 5:30am and works until I tell him I'd like him to come home.  It sucks.

He'll usually come home to grab a quick bite and say hello to the kids, but then he's off.  This is how I am spending my summer and early fall.

Long days without any help with the kids leaves me quite frazzled.  By the time he's around I'm done.  I'm tired emotionally and physically.  I would have went for a run tonight, but couldn't because I had to be here with the kids.  I really wanted to run, but somehow a bowl of ice cream was an acceptable substitute.

Ho hum.  


 

This and That

I guess I should first address my lack of WIW.  After talking with a few different people, I'm not going to weigh in weekly anymore.  I think I'm going to shoot for a monthly weigh in.  That's what I was doing at the gym and it worked a lot better than a weekly weight in.  So yah, that's the plan there!

I had a good month where my moods were good, I felt good, life was good.  The last 2 week or so I've been pretty blah.  Blah blah blah.  As I have addressed, I've been seeing a therapist.  I'm going to refer to her as Coach.  Her last name is actually Coach, but it's spelled different.    Coach asked me what has changed, why I've been blah lately.  The only thing I can think of is the lack of "me" time which she specifically said is something I need.  This is why I like her.  LOL.   I haven't ran in the last 2 weeks.  My couch to 5k program came to a screeching halt after I got a big gash on my shin and had to get a tetanus shot.  Now that that is healing and not in any pain (well, unless you put pressure on it I may kick you) I will be able to run again.  I'm shooting for Thursday.  That will be the day.  Plus, I'm going to sign up for a 5k at the end of July to help keep me motivated.  Yay for moving forward.  It'll be my very 1st 5k!

Another thought after watching "Losing it with Jillian (Michaels)" tonight is this, "Why choose failure when success is an option?"  This goes back to my whole needing to love and value myself.  I tend to choose failure.  Failure sucks.  I'm better than that.  I deserve success.

Coach also helped me realize that I need validation.  I have a hard time validating myself and it's because I didn't get much of it when I was growing up.  If something was wrong in little Mandy's world, my parents gave me food to comfort.  They also gave food as rewards.  We never discussed feelings.  It's no surprise I have issues.  I knew the last 2 things before meeting Coach, but the validation part is most interesting.

I did a sleep study last week.  That was interesting.  I'm always so tired, even after a plenty of sleep.  I can get as little at 6 hours and as much as 11 hours and no matter what, I'm still tired.  I'm tired of being tired, so this was the next step.  I have an appointment on the 21st to meet with my doctor to go over the results and hopefully figure this out for good.

The sleep study consisted of me being wired up to 28 wired, sleeping from about 11pm to 6 am and then taking 5, 20 minute naps.  I slept all 5 naps, I knew I would going in to it.  I got to the clinic about 8pm and was able to leave about 5pm.  The naps were every 2 hours, so at 8, 10, 12, 2, and 4pm.  So, now we wait for the results.

Well, I need to get to bed.  I <3 my sleep.  Goodnight!

Tomorrow is a new day!

Bedtime Routine

This happens every night when we get Cooper situated for bed.   We get his PJ's on and make sure he went to the bathroom. Craig does his thing then I do mine.   I give Cooper a kiss, usually on his forehead or cheek.  He's normally sitting on the floor, playing with the Warner Bros. Pictures "WB" Logo.  He loves that logo.  He carries it around with him almost all of the time

So there he is, sitting on the floor eye stimming and humming the Warner Brothers Pictures theme song to himself.  I tell him it's time for bed and he tells me he wants to do it one more time.

I tell him, "I love you."
"See you in the morning," he says, looking at the logo.
"I love you," I say again.
"See you in the morning," he says, looking at the logo.
I'm thinking third times a charm...
"I love you, Cooper."
He quickly glanced up at me.
"I love you too, Mommy."

I don't get that every night.  But man... when I do...   my heart is happy.   <3

Quick, WIW a day late :)

2009- 173
Last week- 171
this week- 167.5

3.5 lbs is good!  Some water weight in that loss I'm sure, but it'all good.  :)

My mantra is to be conscious about my eating and remind myself to make good choices.  Nothing crazy going on here.  I'm trying to change my life, not start another fad diet.

Baby, I'm back

Hi, hello....

My name is Mandy and I have issues with food.  Well, I have other issues that I take out on food.  It's a dirty cycle.  I got lost and I lost hope.  I had a shitty month, but baby, I'm back.

I'm back carrying the weight I lost.  It sucks, but I'm ok with it.  It was a learning experience.  I should have learned from it the other times I have yo-yo'd this weight around, but yah... I learned from it.  My pants learned from it.  So have the buttons on my shirt.

I'll officially weight in next week, with the weight I've lost this week.  That will give me something positive to build upon.

Bob Harper of The Biggest Loser fame said it best, "Stand up and finish what you started!"

It's life or something like it

http://lovethatmax.blogspot.com/2010/05/top-20-reasons-moms-of-kids-with.html

What I'm about to share is from the blog above.  It brought tears to my eyes because it's true.  Every word.

Top 20 Reasons Moms of Kids With Special Needs ROCK

1. Because we never thought that “doing it all” would mean doing this much. But we do it all, and then some.
2. Because we’ve discovered patience we never knew we had.
3. Because we are willing to do something 10 times, 100 times, 1,000 times if that’s what it takes for our kids to learn something new.
4. Because we have heard doctors tell us the worst, and we've refused to believe them. TAKE THAT, nay-saying doctors of the world.
5. Because we have bad days and breakdowns and bawl-fests, and then we pick ourselves up and keep right on going.
6. Because we gracefully handle the stares, the comments, the rude remarks. Well, mostly gracefully.
7. Because we manage to get ourselves together and get out the door looking pretty damn good. Heck, we even make sweatpants look good.
8. Because we are strong. Man, are we strong. Who knew we could be this strong?
9. Because we aren’t just moms, wives, cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, women who work. We are moms, wives, cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, women who work, physical therapists, speech therapists, occupational therapists, teachers, researchers, nurses, coaches, and cheerleaders. Whew.
10. Because we work overtime every single day.
11. Because we also worry overtime, but we work it through. Or we eat chocolate or Pirate's Booty or gourmet cheese, which aren't reimbursable by insurance as mental-health necessities but should be.
12. Because we are more selfless than other moms. Our kids need us more.
13. Because we give our kids with special needs endless love, and then we still have so much love left for our other kids, our husbands, our family. And our hairstylist, of course.
14. Because we inspire one another in this crazy blogosphere every single day.
15. Because we understand our kids better than anyone else—even if they can’t talk, even if they can’t gesture, even if they can't look us in the eye. We know. We just know.
16. Because we never stop pushing for our kids.
17. Because we never stop hoping for them, either.
18. Because just when it seems like things are going OK, they're suddenly not OK, but we deal. Somehow, we always deal, even when it seems like our heads or hearts might explode.
19. Because when we look at our kids we just see great kids. Not "kids with cerebral palsy/autism/Down syndrome/developmental delays/whatever label."
20. Because, well, you tell me.

WIW

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  4/14 = 163.5
last week =  0

Total loss = 9.5 lbs


I think I would have lost if only I had stayed away from anything edible the last 3 days.


I'm literally keeled over in pain.  I think my uterus is trying to escape.  I do not like it one bit.


I've always tracked my cycles, especially since I was infertile for so long.  It's amazing to me how it screws up a whole week and a half to two weeks out of a month.  I told the hubby tonight that I would probably be at my goal weight if I didn't have to contend with these damn hormones.  It messes with my head.

I joked on my twitter, 

  

"Thinking about donating my ovaries and uterus, cause damn. Besides their lousy job at hormone regulation, I have no need for them anymore."  

OK, I think the pain meds are finally starting to kick in... no longer feeling like my woman parts are going to take off.  Besides the hormonal, lack of self control stuff that is going on, I think it also makes me way sleepier than my normal sleepiness.  Which, doesn't leave me with much hope.  

But I'm trying.  I'm trying to learn to override these hormones which cause me to go in this personal downward spiral.  I'm smart enough, I know what's going on.  Sometimes that is the most frustrating part.  I know what I need to do.... I just.... I just....  ugh.

...and now I will go to bed, because this all makes my brain hurt.  

WIW

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  4/7 = 163.5
last week =  -1.5

Total loss = 9.5 lbs


I feel really good about last week.  I took my measurements and have lost a total of 9 inches since January!  I'm so proud if that.  It goes to show that all my hard work is paying off.


Tonight we watched "Adam" with the Autism Society of McLean County.   It was a good movie!  I'd definitely recommend it.


My mood has been pretty good recently.  I'm enjoying the warmer weather.  My ankle pain is pretty much gone, but still feels a little off during certain exercises so I'm not quite ready to jump back into running.  Soon though...  soon.


I'm super tired... I'd post more randomness, but I need to go to bed.  So with that...

Goodnight!

WIW

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  3/31 = 165
last week = + .5

Total loss = 8 lbs


The last 2 weeks have been rough.  My ankle injury really put a damper in my routine and then I started to eat bad and so on and so forth.  Then, we did an autism study in Madison, WI and I don't eat well when I'm not at home.  I don't do well with food temptations.


So, it took 2 weeks, but I'm back on track.  My head is on straight and I have my eye on the prize.  I started P90X again and I'm following a diet.  I'm going to do my best and forget the rest.  That is what matters right?

Today is a good day

My friend Lua gave me some Yerba Mate tea to try.  Jillian Michaels is a big fan.  She says it contains clean caffeine (even better than coffee) which is good for an extra metabolism boost.

I've had about 2 cups today and so far, I'm a big fan too.  I'm usually reaching for a Diet Pepsi or 3, but I've stopped buying it.  I drink it when out, but I won't buy it for home anymore.  This tea has me so much more alert than Diet Pepsi ever did and it's not filled with a bunch of miscellaneous ingredients.

I'm off to go get some things done.  Yay for not feeling like a zombie!

WIW

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  3/17 = 164.5
lost last week = maintained

Total loss = 8.5 lbs. gone forever


Last week was bleh.  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.  blah blah blah.


So I've seen my new therapist lady 2 times now.  Still trying to hash out my story... why I am the way that I am.   I like her a lot.  She and I have similar personalities.  


It's interesting because she does "talk therapy" and she does something called "biofeedback."  We'll get the the biofeedback part one day when I go in and I have nothing to talk about.  heh.  Google biofeedback though... cool stuff.  I have a friend who went to her and the biofeedback really helped him work through some anxiety he was having.  Yay for effective treatments.  


I think what I've learned so far about myself is that I have a very low self esteem.  I never thought of it like that, but after reading more about self esteem... yah, my self esteem is pretty shitty and it's been that way for a long time.  We're starting out small and going to build it up, slowly and surely.  


I have this quote as my laptop wallpaper background, "Beware- The world is more fierce, mysterious and beautiful than you imagine....  and so are you."  

WIW (Weigh in Wednesday)

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  3/10 = 164.5
lost last week = -1.5

Total loss = 8.5 lbs. gone forever


Yay for reaching my weekly goal.  I aim to lose 1.5 a week.  I know some weeks it'll happen and some weeks it won't.    Muscle weighs more than fat and I need to keep reminding myself that, especially on the weeks that I don't quite reach my goal.

"Well, I didn't."

Maddy and I almost got hit by a car yesterday.  We just got out of our car and was walking towards the grocery store (looked both ways, no cars, decided to cross the street/isle of parking spaces) when this younger guy, speeds into the parking lot and turns into the isle we are crossing without slowing down.  I looked right at him and saw his face as he swerved.  He looked shocked, as if there aren't people in parking lots.  Thank GOD he didn't hit us.  I thought we were gone.  This older guy was walking about 10-15 feet in front of us saw the whole thing and also thought we were going to be hit. The younger guy was going so fast, he was able to park his car and ended up walking next to us into the store.  The older guy said some choice words and basically said, "You almost hit this woman and child!"  He was pissed.  I had tears in my eyes I was so shaken.  The younger guy looks right at me, cocks his head and said, "Well, I didn't." and walked away.

I thanked the older guy for speaking up.  It meant a lot to me.  I patted/rubbed his back as he walked away.

I keep replaying this whole incident over and over.  What if this, what if that.  I'm so thankful.... so so thankful.

I didn't feel like doing anything last night.  I just wanted to lay on the couch.  Almost getting hit by a car really put a funk in my mood... imagine that.  After much debating, I decided to get up and do my day 2 of the Couch to 5 k (C25K) program.  I'm so glad I did.  I was able to clear my mind and get some fresh air.  It was just what I needed.

Running is going great.  I love my Vibram sprint shoes.  I can honestly say that I am enjoying running.  I'm always looking forward to my next run.  :)

Tomorrow is Wednesday and I'm looking forward to weighing in.

Weigh in Wednesday

Sometimes old habits are good habits.  I'm going to start Weigh in Wednesdays again because there is something about posting my weight that keeps it real and keeps me motivated.  Letting you follow my progress only motivates me, especially if you tell me I rock.  :)

So back in December is when I decided it was time to change.  I was up to 173.  I think it's the heaviest I have been without having a bouncing 7.5 or 8.5 lb baby to blame the weight on.  My heaviest was after having Cooper.  I had a terrible pregnancy which left me at 218 lbs.  Bleh.  Moving forward....

Start : 12/09 = 173
Today :  3/3 = 166

Total loss = 7 lbs. gone forever

February was a rough month for me.  I actually gained 3.5 lbs during that time period, but I'm moving forward.  I have my head back on straight.  My diet is wonderful and I'm going to start running, in addition to doing my P90X workouts.  P90X was going great but it's been 2 weeks since I have done a workout with it.  Craig left for a week, all hell broke loose and I caught a cold.  I'm picking right back up where I left off though.

I'm not in any hurry to lose the weight, just as long as it's coming off.  My goal date though is my 30th birthday,  January 9, 2011.  It just gives me something to look forward to.  My motto is, "Slow and steady wins the race."  I don't want to stress about it.  I've tried that in the past and it doesn't work.

My 1st reward is to get highlights and lowlights when I get down to 155.  155 is 11 lbs away and a weight that I consider to be the top of where I feel comfortable.  It's been a good 9 months since I had my hair done (not just cut).  Then my next goal is 150, then 147, then 3 lbs at a time after that.  The smallest I have been in my adult life was 147 in 2006.   It's really hard for me to imagine what I will look like when I get fit.  We'll see what happens.  :)

So, stay tuned.  More good things to come.  :)

My Goals

Back in December I set a goal for myself.  That goal is to be the healthiest I've ever been by the time I am 30.  That leaves me about 10 months to do this and by golly, I'm going to do it!

It's not about being skinny.  If I wanted to just be skinny, then I'd go on some crazy diet and lose 30 lbs and still not be what I would call healthy.  For me it's about accomplishing bigger goals and those bigger goals will help me shed pounds and keep them off for good.

It's time to put myself first and accomplish some things I want to do.  I need to regain my self worth and self respect.  I need some healthy, good self esteem.  I want to look in the mirror and think, "MILF!"  ... cause really, that's what all moms want to be.  ;)  

One goal is to be a runner.  I have thought about this for a good 2 years and it's time to stop thinking and start doing.  I'm planning some 5k's for this year.  :)

Another goal is to talk to a therapist to figure out my issues.  Everyone has issues.  I'm tired of my issues and how they play a negative role in my life.   I'm ready to figure them out and move on.  I go for my 1st appointment on Thursday.  I'm quite excited!

Doing these things, no doubt in my mind, I'll be where I want to be... where I need to be.  2010 is going to be amazing.  

Randoms

I hate our dated vertical blinds that cover our patio door.  vomit.  Craig and I cannot agree on what to get to replace them with.... so there they are... still.

My skin is driving my crazy.  I'm breaking out like a teenager.  If I use acne medicine it dries my skin out too much and I start to peel.  If I use moisturizer I look like I washed my face in oil.  I just can't win!

ok, those are my 2 pressing issues tonight.  :P

Goodnight.

... and we regress

I'm feeling a bit helpless and I'm having a hard time talking about it.  I've been thinking more about blogging again, so here I am.

Cooper seems to be regressing.  I don't know why he is, but as a parent, I start to question my abilities.  His teacher called for a meeting... we'll be meeting next week.  I've had to carry him kicking and screaming too many times these past few weeks.  I hear... "NO MOM, WE DO NOT DO THAT, WE GO HOME TO THE WHITE HOUSE!"  I wrote yesterday that carrying a 47 lb kicking child is sometimes more of a mental task than a physical task.  So true, so true.

This morning... he was completely non-compliant.  We were a half an hour late to school this AM.  While I try to get him in his carseat... he kicks.  I cry.  I just can't handle it some days.  It's usually the days after days after days of this non-compliant behavior... I just break.  I break and feel helpless.

I cry on the way to school.  I get it together and try to get him in school.  Again, didn't go so well.  It took about 15 minutes to get him from the car to the building.  Once in the building, he sat in this chair and didn't move.  I held it together until one of his teachers asked about him and his behavior.  Then, gah.  2 teachers seen me cry...  They said they'd listen if I ever just need to talk.  They're not the ones I want to talk to... I like them, but I can't help but think they would judge me and my family.  No thank you.

It just sucks.

Now is as good of a time as ever...

I need to start blogging again, so here we go. This will be quick though, since I need to get to sleep.

Today was my hubby's 31st birthday! Happy Birthday Craig!

Today was just a crazy, sick kind of day. Kirby puked on the new couch. Thank you Kirby. Good thing we got that stain protection plan. I'm calling them tomorrow (I have 5 days of the stain occurring). Then, awhile later Pixie puked on the floor. You can imagine how excited I was. Then, Maddy fell asleep on the couch and peed all over it. I don't blame her, she's potty training... but geesh. Cut me a break here. Then, she had an accident at Easter Seals today and peed on their carpet. She's actually like 95% potty trained... it's just the poopy she doesn't want to do on the potty. She did good tonight with it though. Anyways, so 2 pukes and 2 pees. Woot. Then, getting the kids to bed Maddy starts coughing and then pukes a ton all over me, her blanky, her, and the floor. I must say, it was a perfect ending to this lovely, stinky day.

Nice blog to start off again with, eh? Might as well start of with a bang!

It's been awhile

Hey! I've been meaning to update this. It seems that I have less time now with a toddler and a preschooler than I did when they were babies. Imagine that!

Everyone here is doing well. Cooper is on spring break this week which is all fun and exciting, but exhausting and stressful for me. I think the change in his routine totally caused him to regress in using the potty, which is a PITA. He wets his pants like 5 or more times a day since Monday. I'm hoping this phase corrects itself as soon as school starts back up on Monday. I don't have enough energy for all this laundry!

His thing right now is playing Carnival Games on the Wii and Wii fit. He loves to do Yoga. :) In fact, we were waiting in the lobby of Easter Seals for his therapist to come out to get him and he is for real standing in the middle of the busy lobby doing the Tree pose.

Silly boy! I LOLed and thought to myself, "OMG, he's doing the tree pose in the middle of this busy lobby."

My mom fell back in January and broke her hip. She had hip replacement surgery on one side of her hip and she is doing really well. In fact, she gets around most of the time taking small steps without any crutch or cane. She is still limited by what she can do. She does good on stairs, but has to take it slow and can't carry much weight since it distributes her weight differently. She has to use a can do walk in the yard and things that require more stability, since the cane provides that. I'm really proud of her and how far she has come. She is healing much quicker than I ever expected, which means she is stronger than I ever knew. :) So here I am going to segway between my mom's cane and Wii Carnival Games. Heh. So my mom's cane looks like this.,,

...and here is the cover to Carnival Games...



As you can see, the Carnie is holding a cane! Cooper just loves the fact his Grandma has a cane. LOL! Every time Cooper greets his Grandma, he takes her cane and proceeds to say, "Hurry Hurry Hurry, step right up for the thrills and excitement of Carnival Games!!!" He even does the motion of moving the cane up and down like he's talking to the crowd. hehe.... love it.

Cooper is loving school and is thriving there. I can't wait until he can go full time. It won't be until he starts Kindergarten though, which will be school year 2o10-2011. So... August 2010 he'll be 5 and hopefully test into kindergarten just fine. Right now our schedule looks like this:

Monday- School 8-12 and Speech Therapy 1-2
Tuesday- School 8-12, ABA 1-2 and Occupational Therapy 4-5
Wednesday- School 8-12 and then kids go to Gma's since I work about 6 hours this day
Thursday- School 8-12, ABA 1-2, Feeding Therapy 3-4, Chiropractor 4:30
Friday- School 8-12 and then Craig is off in the afternoon so I can work about 4 hours

Woot!

Maddy is doing great. She will be 2 (!!!) in less than a month. I just can't believe my baby girl is going to be 2. It's hard to describe the difference between Maddy and Cooper. It's just different. Of coarse I love them both the same. It's hard to believe the differences developmentally at her age of almost 2. Cooper had 4 words at age 2. That in itself is so hard to believe. Maddy and Cooper are about the same level as far as speech is concerned. Maddy is a bit advanced in that aspect because she is in a hyper verbal environment. I still have to do a double take when she says something new because it's like, "Really, Did she just say that or am I hearing things?" I'm sure in no time she will be passing Cooper up, but I think that in itself will push Cooper and help him advance.

I have more to post, but I need to get going. I've been working on this on and off for the better part of the morning and I need to get some things done. Thanks for reading!

Send To Phone

Send To Phone

Send To Phone

Starting up...

I need a new home for my old personal blog that I haven't blogged on since 2006. I used to blog on myspace, but I'm going back and forth about whether or not to delete myspace (facebook is the way to go). So now my blogging adventures will be held here, back on trusty blogger. I wonder if I can somehow import my old myspace blogs... wouldn't that be nice?